From Hurt to Healing: Understanding Yourself Through Pain
I recently came across a saying that I couldn’t stop thinking about:
“When a serpent bites you, you don’t chase after it asking why it bit you. Instead, you focus on healing yourself, sucking out the poison. That’s how you heal.”
This analogy resonated with me deeply. When someone is mean or a bully, they might have their reasons, but when we’re hurting, it’s not helpful to chase after them, asking why they did it. What we’re really asking is, “What did I do to deserve this hurt?”
Yet, no answer they give would satisfy or ease that pain, because the truth is—we don’t really want to know why they hurt us. What we want is for them to apologize. But often, that answer won’t come, or if it does, it won’t heal us. Instead, it may lead to a cycle of debate, argument, or even more hurt, and none of that helps ease the emotional pain.
To truly empathize, forget, and forgive, we must heal ourselves first. This requires looking inward, asking why that person was able to hurt us. What made us vulnerable? Why couldn’t we foresee the pain, or recognize that they might not be the right person to trust or be close to?
We all make mistakes. The difference lies in how we respond to them. Some dwell on their pain, feeling trapped in failure, discouraged from moving forward. Others cry, grieve, and then decide to treat the experience as a lesson. They reflect, analyze, and learn from it.
They begin to ask: Why was I drawn to someone who hurt me? What role did I play in this relationship? This reflection helps them understand their own vulnerabilities and patterns, allowing them to better protect themselves from future hurt in similar situations.
What I’m trying to say is this: asking “Why did that person hurt me?” or “Did I deserve to be hurt?” won’t help you heal.
What will help is focusing on how to heal. Consider these steps:
- Understand yourself better – Dive deeper into your feelings. What led you to this situation in the first place?
- Explore your inner world – Why does this hurt affect you so deeply? Could it be tied to your self-image or past trauma?
- Seek growth and support – Once you uncover the answers, don’t hesitate to ask for help, read, or work on shifting your mindset.
Healing comes from within. It’s not about chasing the “serpent” but about tending to the wound and transforming the pain into growth.
Resources:
I wrote this exercise to help you reflect and ease your emotional pain, but if you need further assistance contact me, I’m here to help!