Moving to a new place can be exciting, scary, and a little bit disappointing!

So, you are in this new place full of potential and opportunities, and yet all you can notice about yourself and/or your partner is that you don’t like it.

Why is this happening?

Well, this could happen for various reasons. It’s natural to grieve the familiar comforts of your old life when you find yourself in a new place without close friends or family members. The denial —the first stage of grief— starts eating you from the inside as you say to yourself, “I can’t believe this is the life I’ve chosen.” If the decision to move was primarily your partner’s idea, you might even blame them, making them feel guilty for bringing you to a place you hate.

Then comes the anger —the second stage of grief-. It’s easy to feel resentment during this phase. You might perceive people as mean, struggle with finding a job or learning the language, and fixate on missed opportunities, blaming yourself and others along the way. This frustration, though difficult, shows how much you care about creating a better experience.

You remember how easy and happy it seemed in your head to move to this new place, how adventurous you were. Comparing those initial expectations to the current reality leaves you frustrated.

The Bargaining Stage

Next is the bargaining stage. You think, “Maybe if I move back to my home country, I can find what I’m longing for. I can see my friends, my family, and there won’t be a language barrier.”

But here’s the vital truth: you didn’t leave your country and everything familiar behind unless you struggled with something back then.

Perhaps you then think, “If I get a job or join a community, I’ll find what I’m looking for.” You start acting on it—job hunting, socializing, maybe learning the language—only to face a terrible realization: that’s not what you’re truly looking for.

Surprising, right?

Depression Sets In

At this point, you might feel depressed. You close your heart and mind to new experiences and opportunities.

But then one day, you reach the final stage of grief: acceptance. You begin to embrace the beauty of this new chapter and recognize the strength you’ve gained. While the things you longed for from your old life can’t be replicated here, they can be replaced with new opportunities and experiences to appreciate and cherish.

Acceptance: The Final Stage

You come to terms with the fact that you can’t see your old friends or visit family as easily as before. You might always be referred to as a foreigner. Yet, you realize you can still make new friends, learn the language, find a job, and become part of a community. These replacements are what you need to build your new support system. Volunteering or giving back to society can also help create a sense of belonging and purpose.

Eventually, you start feeling happy and satisfied again. Perhaps you even think, “This move was the right step for me.” And if it wasn’t, you can still weigh the pros and cons objectively and make an educated decision about your next steps.

As you can see, all this happens only if you allow yourself to go through the entire grieving process.

Stuck in the Process?

Some people move through the stages quickly, while others—especially during the depression phase—might get stuck. This phase can lead to anxiety and withdrawal if left unaddressed.

As a foreigner myself, I spent a long time stuck in the depression phase. It was a period filled with self-blame and isolation from everything and everyone.

How I Got Out

I did the work. I asked myself daily where to go, how to find support. I spoke openly to people—whether I knew them or not—about my loneliness and what I could do to overcome it.

I sought help through coaching, therapy, and support from friends I met by chance along the way. I kept exploring my new identity and how I wanted to show up in this new life. I reflected on who I was becoming, what my values were, and what my aspirations and dreams looked like in this new context.

I sought answers in every person I met and every conversation I had. And in hindsight, facing my inner demons was a necessary step in this journey.

Final Thoughts

So, seek help. Talk to others. Remember, we’re all human.

Wherever you are and whatever your beliefs and hopes may be, there are people like you. There’s a community where you can belong, feel safe, and find happiness.

And if you need the right guidance, my door is open, and I’m just one click away. Together, we can navigate the challenges, celebrate the wins, and uncover the opportunities waiting for you in this new chapter of life. Let’s take that first step toward creating a life you love.